I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of
golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I
like playing with men's balls."
31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display
case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed
any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your
nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the
boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To
this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34,
My husband and I took our three kids out shoe shopping one day.
We were going from store to store, and the kids were
getting restless. At one crowded store, I was standing
near a bench when my 3-year-old climbed up on it,
grabbed hold of my elastic-waist shorts, and jumped
off pulling both my shorts and my underwear to the floor. I raced out of there, much to the delight of
the appreciative onlookers.
Curl Up and Die
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge
for a shampoo and a blow job?"
Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came
into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.
Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran
for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so
well that I had copies made and included one with each
of our Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture,
laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer
look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked
to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my
reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a
The following are the top four winners of a Most
Embarrassing Moments Contest in the "New Woman
Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I
was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving
looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right
now" she would would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go
right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing
Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last
thing I heard when the door closed behind me were
screams of laughter.
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was
living at home, but my parents had gone out for the
evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a
romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making
love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I
suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback
ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss
the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we
got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly
came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,
"SURPRISE!" My entire family:aunts, uncles, grandparents,
cousins and all my friends were standing there. My girlfriend
and I were frozen in a state of shock and
embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since
then, no one in my family has planned a surprise
Poughkeepsie, New York
One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories
I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who
picked up several items at a discount store. When she
finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of
her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment
when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out
for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody
at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood
the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like
tone,a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU
MEAN THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND
YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the
class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and
not paying attention. She went back to find out what
was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered
that he had just recently been circumcised and he was
quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the
principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask
her what he should do about it. He did it and returned
to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the
back of the room. She went back to investigate only to
find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging
out. "I thought I told you to call your mom." she
screamed. "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I
could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me
up from school."